Why I hate ATM machines

I was standing at the ATM machine one bright sunny day - delighted with myself - Spring was in the air. All around you could smell new paint as merchandisers got ready for summer. Bright fluffy stuff had arrived in the shops...and my hands were itching to spend.

Behind me in line were five men, four ladies, three Romanian gypsies and two Romanian gypsy babies. The man directly behind me was a fine hunk - not that it mattered - but he was coming in a bit close to me. I could feel his breath warm on my neck. Anyway, I stuck in the card, keyed in the pin numbers and waited...and waited...I hoped they would give me new crisp notes today - the ones that shine like silk. Still waited...nothin' happening. THEN lo and behold out comes a note - it made the empty flake wrapper they gave a fellow in the cadbury's ad. look good. This is what it said: "eff off lady - you're broke - get a job!".

I wasn't giving up without a good fight, so I keyed in my Savings account pin number - same sob story. Yes! I'd try my gold visa card - I should have thought of that in the beginning - dammit -why they even give you rewards points when you spend - now we're in business! Yes, it would be third time lucky! By now the fellow behind me was positively indecent as he pressed his body against mine - even worse - a Romanian gypsy woman has wrapped herself around my ankle like an umbilical cord "Please missus - spare a copper for the chisler - we need Pompers". The sniff would indicate that yes the baby did indeed need new Pompers.

I waited...Please Mr. Visa...be nice...if you are, I promise I'll give $20 to the Romanian gypsy for her baby. I waited and finally a note came out - the abuse of it is something I shall never forget: "Eff off lady - you're broke - get a job you maggot, you scumbag - you sweet lousy faggot - get a job!". I thought quickly as I had to save face with the decent folks behind me "Drat" I said to them, raising my hands to heaven "That's what happens when you can't remember your pin number!".

I found a kit kat in my pocket and gave it to the poor unfortunate Romanian gypsy woman - She threw it back to me "Eff off lady - get a job!" she said - this was the same lady who when times were good I gave her $10 for the Pampers and she kissed my hand - and phoned Romania on her blackberry and told them to buy another plot of land - and now she was telling me to "Eff off lady - get a job!".

Suddenly! - I woke up. I was in a lather of sweat. Hubby was swimming around in the bed "Darling, maybe you should take something for those night sweats".

Be good to yourselves - and stay away from dem ATM machines!

Lots of love,

Delisha xxx