God Bless you Ms God Diva - you're a Lady!

Dear Ms. God Diva,

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get around to thanking you yet for your very helpful comments and suggestions - you see there is one little thing - I know it's got absolutely nothing to do with you personally - really it's just a name! It's like this - when I see your name written down in front of me, I get the hebejeebies - In addition to being a shopaholic in remission - I am also - wait for it - a chocaholic in remission - Jeez I'm a right mess, aren't I? You see in my past life I just LOVED Godiva chocolates - they were in fact my very favourite. It took me a while...but I'm ready now Ms. God Diva to look at your name and not weaken - I'm strong now.

In response to my 'Cruisin' down the Root Canal' and the immense pain and suffering - not to mention expense - you suggested that I should consider having everybody's teeth extracted...mind you I had to chew on it for a bit. Believe you me every time #17 acts up - which is every day - I'm giving your suggestion a lot of consideration. And yes, it would indeed save much money all around...no more cooking...only liquids...cheap soda pop and not having to worry about tooth decay...lovely false teeth and even co-ordinate them to match each of my outfits - have a pink day - a lilac day - MAN - you're one hell of a genius!

I put it to K and he was very enthusiastic. He said there are occasions when he would rather I did not have teeth as he finds them scary - wonder what he means? - search me! I put it to the girls - they were far less enthusiastic. We really did take it seriously. I even blew up 5 photos (actually 9 including my furry friends) and with a black pen erased a few teeth here and there...It just didn't look great. Please don't be offended Ms. God Diva. Chi Chi shows me more teeth than I ask for, especially if I go near her leopardskin igloo when she is chewing on a bone - Actually of all the 9 of us in the house - Chi Chi would be my first choice to have a tooth extraction - especially the molars - they are seriously SCARY. Good suggestions...Are you a Virgo by any chance?

Dear Miracle Man Two,

I never realised you were married - (no offence, but can you please change your name to 'Miracle Husband' because some of the antics your wife is up to would suggest you are - for putting up with her! So you say when it comes to jewellery, your wife is definitely a vegetarian - It's carrots, carrots, carrots all the time (is she a Taurus by any chance?) I'm not a bloke and actually there is no need to send me a photo of her winning the Miss Manilla 1999 Wet t-shirt competition - suffice to say - I can only just imagine!!

I'm sure the day she lost her ring, your turkey wasn't too impressed with the intimate body search - but as you say yourself - all's well that ends well and you're happy that she's happy and I'm happy that you're happy and that I told you about that Mercury Retrograde thing - so now you know - If you're ever missing rings or watches or things - especially around Xmas - you know where to look!

Slan, and keep on doin' what makes you happy

Dear Lady God Diva,

You really are a lady and a practical one too. You are truly in earnest and take everything I say to heart. Seriously - this double remission thing I'm in at the moment is self-inflicted - so don't feel bad. I feel I wasn't suffering enough in my life - I need to do this - it's important for me deep down to...for want of a better word...suffer.

Suffering is good - it makes you strong - It's just the bloody cost of living that's a curse. I'm tackling it head on and I have not ruled out the teeth yet.

Being the Year of the Ox - you suggested that perhaps I could yoke one on to me old 12 year old car and yahoo - I'd be on my way...I agree parking an Ox in Chinatown could cause a problem though.

Now as regards getting a donkey and cart to ferry me three Ms. Daisies around town...I would feel too much of an ass - I can just picture myself jumping out of bed at 7 in the morning in my pj's and then having to wake up a sleepy ass - I agree feeding an Ox and a Donkey would be a lot cheaper than petrol for a car and yes! I could give them all those filthy carrots and spuds from the garden.

Never say never...

God Bless you Ms. God Diva...and Sweet Dreams

Delisha xxx


Dear Viv and Jim,

Re. 'Pardon me for a moment while I throw up'

Always good to hear from followers. Hmm...I had to think about what you said. So your sympathies clearly lie with the girl who had the boob job? The Ms. Perfect Playboy Bunny Statistics Girl - correct me if I'm wrong! Miss Manilla Wet t-shirt girl thinks I have missed 'Ms. Mammaries Points' and that she wasn't upgrading the chassis for Ol' Blubber Boy - and that - nah - she just realised that mammaries of mass corruption are essential weapons in the war of the wet t-shirt brigade. "Bring em on baby..." (Readers - they are Viv and Jim's comments - absolutely not mine).

Not wishing to offend - But I found absolutely nothing titillating about Ms. Playboy-Bunny-Wannabe's story. She is welcome to her HOBBY! (hateful ol' blubber boy Yuck!). My sympathies were with her completely - look at all the efforts she was making to look good for him - and what does he do to try to look good for her?...nothing. I guess it's true what they say - love is blind!

May the force be with you.

Slan,

Delisha xxx